scared at night sometimes

July 9^th 2008

 The electricity is off in the house tonight. All of us are sitting around some candles, passing around ipods to watch some videos and discussing what would happen if Joseph Kony was caught and killed. Would the LRA collapse or would someone else just step up into power? I read in the Monitor today that Kony’s chief negotiator in the peace talks for the LRA wrote a confidential letter to President Museveni saying that the only way Kony could be stopped is if he were killed. Since that has been published I wonder how long that man’s life will last. The longer I stay here in Gulu the harder I struggle with these issues. Living here for 6 weeks has really allowed me to take a strong look at my personality and re-evaluate what is important to me, what I value. I want to go home and make a difference; I can’t let this journey stop here. Maybe I can set up a School-4-School’s club in Wayne Hills High School. It’s one of the highest paid and funded school districts in New Jersey, I get sick thinking of how many school tuitions that could be paid with such little effort.

 Today in class I implemented one of the participatory strategies that I learned in the conference, ABC Runoff. I had heard of the activity a few nights before the conference actually, from a girl from group one who’s from Sparta. The game is perfect for classrooms with large numbers of students. I put the alphabet on the board in 2 different places. The students then had to fill in the alphabet with words that coincided with the theme that we are studying, mass media. To guarantee participation I let the teams help each other, encouraged communication and told them that they had to write one word for every letter, even if the word didn’t apply to what the theme was. When you get to X, Y and Z it’s pretty difficult, so I had words like yellow and x-mass by the end. The kids did remarkably well though, and I could feel the energy in the room. Unfortunately right after that Alice really wanted the students to read two passages from the book and answer questions. I would never question her in front of the kids, and I’m having a hard time questioning her at all since she has been very open towards me compared to some of the other teachers here, but the kids were bored to tears. I guess this whole experience is about give and take, but it was still hard to sit through. As a special ed teacher, sitting on my ass in a classroom watching kids share one textbook between four people is so hard.

 July 10^th 2008

 The water and the electricity are off in the compound. Trying to get ready in the morning is pretty difficult when you can’t really see and you are halfway through washing your face when the water decides to dry up. Thankfully I have wipes galore so I was able to manage.

 Today I’m not teaching class, but Alice is picking me up at 12 so we can plan for next week and get a head start. Casey, Matt and I are holding the professional development conference today at 2:30, which is giving me some anxiety this morning. Even traveling over an ocean can’t subside my stress when it comes to work. I may be laid back about most things, but when it comes to performing in my career I get obsessive about preparing. It’s 9:30 now, and I already have a tightening in my chest about the meeting at 2:30.

 Since I’ve been here I’ve been kind of insecure about the fact that I don’t play sports. I know it sounds ridiculous, but when it comes to team, competitive sports I just suck. I’m not competitive athletically, and if a game gets too intense I’m so quick to think, “ugh, is this really that important?” So for the past couple of days I’ve felt like the last kid picked at gym class because I suck at basketball, “football” isn’t my thing, and because of a horrible gym class experience, volleyball scares the crap out of me.

 Fortunately for me though, my dad and I are really into Frisbee, and when I go down to south jersey we usually throw one around. I need to thank my Papa so much because yesterday, I totally got my athletic moment. I bought a super Frisbee at REI before I left and I took it out for the first time yesterday. Jo and I brought it out onto the courtyard of the compound and started throwing it around, and after about a half hour we had some of the primary students playing with us along with some of the local teachers. I had SUCH a fun time, and it was exhilarating being able to run around, jump to catch the Frisbee and just get some serious exercise. Matt was like “somebody’s been practicing in Jersey” and it made me feel good, and less like a sports leper. It was also really awesome to watch the kids get used to Frisbee because most of them had never seen one before. After they got the hang of it they were throwing it so far I was really impressed, and when the Frisbee got stuck in trees they climbed those things like they were professionals.

 This weekend Amy and Catherine will be back from sending off group one, so we’re going to have a pretty busy schedule. On Friday night we’re meeting at the IC house to discuss one of our journal articles concerning colonization, and Saturday we have a meeting in the morning to discuss Pedagogy of the Oppressed. I have to admit, reading Pedagogy at home was like shoving tiny knives into my eye sockets, but I heard from some of my friends that if I read it here it would make much more sense, and be easier to put into context.  Saturday afternoon we’re going to visit Fort Patiko, which is really exciting. On my way to school in the mornings on Alice’s boda I always look out to the right and wonder what’s out there. It’s a beautiful savannah landscape with mountains in the distance. Yesterday, as if she read my mind, Alice pointed to the mountains and told me that was where Fort Patiko was. Apparently the locals think it’s very beautiful, which gets me even more excited.

 I’m going to try and get to the Internet café today after school so I can post this and answer some e-mails but we’ll see. The skies are looking formidable which means rain is probably around the corner.